Burnout?

We thought things were getting better. Numbers of cases and deaths were slowing down, and more people were being vaccinated. There was a month, more or less, where it actually seemed like the pandemic was going to end.

No such luck, it seems. There have been 26 new cases in my little mountain town in the last two weeks, along with one more death. More patients are coming onto hospice care with COVID-19 after none for a long while. I’m tired of it. Aren’t you? The news is full of anti-vaxxers getting sick and even dying. Children are left without parents. Spouses die. Even some children die.

It’s depressing, that’s what it is. I’m so tired of being depressed, feeling hopeless, being stuck with restrictions and rules, watching people ignore the facts and go without masks, and refusing the vaccine. This could have all been over, if we had only taken science seriously.

Thank you for tolerating my rant. Working in healthcare is tough. I miss the normalcy of visiting patients in person, although I do see a few in their homes. I feel like I’m losing my spark and my motivation. It may be a temporary slump, I know, but it feels lousy just the same.

I work hard. It’s what I do. I say yes, take on more, and meet all the deadlines. Does anyone notice? As a per diem (as needed) chaplain, I am not paid particularly well. I asked this year for a raise that would compensate me for what I’m worth. My program manager laughed, and said she knew exactly what I meant. Will I get the 3% or so raise and no more?

It’s hard when one retires at the top of her game from the first career, only to start a second career down at the bottom. I get to rate myself each year, giving rationale for saying that I exceeded expectations in certain areas. Will anyone notice?

I know I make a difference in people’s lives, and I like being able to do that. But I feel tired, physically and emotionally. Is it time to re-retire? I don’t know yet.

I know I need a vacation.

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